The problem with saying, “Why doesn’t she just…”

With the world in the state that it is right now and opinions flying like razor blades, I couldn’t help but notice a common phrase:

“Why doesn’t she just *insert preferred action here*.”

Most recently I’ve seen a lot of this is response to the pro-life/pro-choice argument surrounding some states decisions to ban abortion with women ridiculing each other, always so quick to say,

“Well, why doesn’t she just keep the baby? So what if it’s rape - the baby deserves to live.”

“Why can’t she just see the baby as a blessing instead of a curse?”

“Why can’t she just give it up for adoption. There’s someone out there who will love it.”

The list goes on and on, and here’s what I have to say about it:

The problem with saying, “Why doesn’t she just…” is that you’re assuming a) everyone thinks the same way that you do, b) everyone shares the same options, and c) your opinion is the only valid one available in the conversation, none of which are true.

The problem with having difficult conversations like the ones that need to happen regarding the banned abortion laws is that as humans we naturally lead with ego. It’s so hard for us to see beyond our own realm of comprehension. We can’t process that which is foreign to us, nor do we very often want to. This goes for both sides, btw, so no high-horse-hopping here.

To have meaningful dialogue about serious issues we have to be willing to check our ego at the door and look at the argument from an objective standpoint, remembering that we all what the same things: to be heard, valued, and understood. And as a woman it absolutely wrecks my soul to see women criticizing and berating other women. That’s the last thing that we need right now.

Ladies, right now we have a choice and a responsibility. For years this world has been dominated by masculine schools of thought that have caused more war and destruction than ever before in all of human history. The choice that we have to make is whether or not we want to add to the hostility by contributing to the ongoing narrative of hate and separation or do we want to rise up out of it? If masculine energy is what has led us here, it’s the feminine that will lead us back home. And for the feminine to reign supreme, hate must defer to love.





These are the things we should be promoting, not our own differing opinions, because at the end of the day we can all find solidarity in our shared feminine. We are all women, and as such we are all fighting the same fight.

So the next time you find yourself wanting to say, “Why doesn’t she just…”, think again. And instead consider, “She is my sister, and I support her endlessly.”

We may not always see eye-to-eye, but we can always show compassion.

Compassion over hate, sister.

We have the power to create a revolution, if only we’d stop throwing stones and instead link arms.




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